Updates on my lonely Christmas

yes i know.. alot of you guyz want to know how i spent my Christmas.. well as i've said before on my previous blog is what really happened during christmas.. nothing much really.. work, sleep(abit)... work again, sleep(abit)...work...etc etc.. you get what i mean.. well since i've loads of time i will spare myself the trouble of telling everyone, one by one how was my christmas.. yes it gets abit annoying when people one by one ask me the same question about my christmas cuz i knw i didnt have a christmas.. but who am i to complain.. nothing is wonderful when you're alone.. eventhough i've some plans or have something to do it doesnt mean anything to me when my loved ones arent around... alot of people told me that..'at least you've work.. you're not doing anything.. not like me.. nothing to do at all'... its the same dudes.. but even worse.. i rather have nothing to do and stay at home, in my room, by myself, crying, staring out the window, drinking.. whatever sad people do when they're alone than to be doing something that doesnt mean anything but to just take away your boredom.. i know working is good cuz we get paid but WHAT THE HELL... would u rather be alone at home or go to work being miserable watching other people having fun, celebrating the spirit of christmas with relatives, love ones, friends and you're picking up the rubbish and leftovers.. you would be telling yourself 'that could have been me'... but no... u wake up from your short dream and you notice that they are over there and you are over here..holding empty plates and left-over scraps in one hand and a rubbish bag in the other.. well enough about my miserable life.. lets get on with the story...

23rd.. as far as i could remember.. nothing much really.. went to the restaurant.. not busy at all. i think we only had a handful of customers and had alot of 'free time'.. i remember watching a few videos as well... yes i think there were only 2-3 tables that whole night when i was there.. too much free time that we could pre-prepare for the 24th... we're suppose to do it on the 24th cuz there is nothing much to do anyways but we did a couple of things to kill time... like fold those paper napkins.. re-arrange the chairs and tables.. go through the booking lists and orders.. thats sorta thing that just wastes time.. then i went back early.. came home... took my shower.. stared at the computer... playing minesweeper.. read the bible.. play minesweeper.. see who's online and who to talk to.. went outside for a walk.. came back.. made coffee.. went out for a walk again.. came back.. and guess what.. its already 920am... *phew..

24th... slept at 10 i guess.. yeah had to down 2 Panadols and 1 sleeping pill to get me to sleep.. but it worked.. BUT woke up at 140pm for no apparent reason.. guess it didnt work..got up.. had a snack(cashew nuts to be exact) i put on sad songs.. well slow songs.. wanted to make me sleep but didnt work.. ended up having a terrible nightmare and i woke up sweating and my heart was pounding.. no shitz.. anyway its was 430pm and i took a shower... thought of reaching the restaurant at 530pm cuz i wasnt sure what time was the booking on that day... went there all dressed up in white shirt and black slacks cuz need to look like a real waiter.. not the usual jeans and anything else on normal days.. so had to dress smart.. had a small dinner.. i remember we had cold roast chicken, chillis, chilli fish.. and rice.. i had no idea why they cooked mostly chilli but i didnt eat much cuz i dont want to end up sweating like a mad cow from the chillies.. so just had rice with some veg.. ohyeah we had veg as well.. anyways had dinner.. chilled abit and we had to start preparing.. bookings we had was for 29ppl total..2 big tables.. i didnt see the time of the booking but yeah we started to prepare.. i was at the next room preparing the seven 10-seater tables.. it was all done in an hour... i got all the plates, bowls, chopsticks, tea-cups.. hot water.. sauces.. etc etc.. 830pm.. no one came.. so Yau kor(my boss) said to cut those paper table cloth(those paper ones in rolls which u can cut to any size and place them on the tables and u throw them after they're done.. cheap.. doesnt need to waste on washing.. smart move Yau kor) hehe.. cut for like about 20 sets... so that it will be easier to just take rather than cutting it on the spot after clearing the tables.. so its pre-prepared.. took my time really cuz i thought that the customers would come by then i wouldnt need to cut it.. its difficult job... need to measure all the time and the rolls are HUGE... as big as me so its pretty difficult to roll it about.. an hour past by... two.....three... no one came and i was at my 24th set already... i told Yau kor that they ffk us.. didnt show up after what we've prepare and u know what he said.. their booking is at 12am... ~~?" then i realise tat of course dummy.. the people who booked are restaurant owners too or are at the casino gambling.. yes we cater for alot of restaurant owners and workers.. they come to the restaurant normally after they close theirs at 11pm... so yeah... and i must agree that Yau kor's cooking is really good.. i like his cooking.. so yeah they came at 12am something.. did the usual stuff like what other waiters do.. serve ppl.. but its not only 29ppl.. its for about 70 people.. double what we expected.. other people kept on coming in.. no tables were left empty expect for 1-2 small tables.. yeah it was that busy.. i was getting annoyed cuz i hve to do alot of things... so many dishes.. and only two hands.. pity..the people only started to cool down after about 4am.. thats when we had to clean up.. plenty of dishes.. 2hands... sigh.. i was done by 5am..but as usual the regulars(about 30 of them) were playing mahjong and cards.. yes we cater gambling too.. keke.. i watched though and drank beer with them.. they're nice fun people.. too bad i couldnt communicate much though.. they are all cantonese users.. lady boss suggested that if i was sleepy or tired i could sleep with monster(our chef) since he has a decker bed but i said i was fine.. then they teased me that i could sleep on the long table where they were playing and said they would look after me since there were alot of them there but i refused as well.. then it hit me.. what am i doin there.. i wasnt happy.. it wasnt the christmas i wanted or was enjoying.. so i asked if i could go back... after numerous attempts they finally allowed me to go home... and gave me a carton of beer(20 cans) to go home and drink with my housemates... i refused that too for certain reason but they insisted that i took it back to drinkwith my housemates.. i kinda knew that no one would be at home anyways and i would be the only one drinking but they didnt know that and i didnt tell them that i will be alone cuz if not they would ask me to stay so i took it and said my goodbyes.. they wanted me to stay cuz it was already morning on christmas day and i had to be back at 1pm for their family christmas lunch.. but i went home anyways... not to my suprise i was all ALONE at home... the couples went to sheffield to celebrate with our other sheffield mates(cheers guyz!~) and my other housemate was at a friend's playing games... so i was alone drinking by the hillside... yeah i got a little place where i would normally go when i'm alone.. or feel lonely.. i know its sad but when u're alone.. u're alone... didnt bother me much cuz it was my refuge.. my little secret hiding place.. watched the sun come out with the company of beer in one hand.. and a pack of ciggs in the other.. i call them BC(BEER&CIGGS)... my dependable friend.. never failed me yet..

25th.... came home to take my shower and relax abit until 1pm.. at exactly 1pm my friend from the restaurant called(Jamesy) to ask if i was awake and coming for the lunch and i told that i was on my way.. went there for lunch... Yau kor's daughter(ka men.. who is married and have a cute baby boy) prepared and made lunch.. english style.. so we had roast pork, veg, little snacks, roast chicken, roast potatoes, english pudding... etc... english style.. it was good.. really full... those who attended was yau kor, his wife(ladyboss), their children (ka men, Jackie and lil Roger), ka men's husband(louis) and their baby boy(teo), kwai sou/monster(the chef), Jamesy and me..with the company of BC of course.. hehe... yes all of us smoke expect for yau kor, Jackie and Roger.. and baby Teo... after lunch we sat down and joked abit.. had my coffee too.. so its CC(Coffee&Ciggs) hehe then it was time to open presents.. before that kwai sau and jamesy was alredy upstairs in their rooms because they were still tired from the night before.. but i was ok cuz i dunno.. i wasnt sleepy or couldnt sleep anyways... the whole family sat by the christmas tree with all the presents under it... really alot of presents and they were all so excited to open them.. i was still sitting at the table minding my own business just watching when they asked me to come sit together with them.. i was reluctant but they insisted so i had to go... THEN it hit me again.. what am i doing here and why... i felt so miserable and sad... watching them opening presents guessing who were them from etc etc... and i was alone sitting there looking for my presents but to my suprise none... sigh... it was so difficult faking that to smile and pretending that u're enjoying urself but deep inside u're hiding ur sadness and it was painful.. i was thinking to myself, i shouldnt be there.. its hurting me.. i should be somewhere else.. with the people i love.. but no... i knew where i was and really couldnt bear it.. so i lied that i was tired and excused myself to go up to Jamesy's room to take a nap.. i went up as they continue opening presents and having a great christmas... took a slow walk.. lite a ciggarette and stood by the doorway staring at the ground.. nothing was on my mind... didnt want to think of anything... nothing to think about.. just stoning about.. finished the cigg and entered james's room.. he was sleepin.. as usual but i knew he was tired anyways so sat by his computer and browsed through his videos... watched Prison Break 2nd season to get my mind of the Christmas season and the fact that everyone is having a good time.. but i know not everyone is lucky... some people suffer too but this is my story... watched until 530pm then its back to work again for the bookings starting at 7pm... as usual alot of people suddenly turn up and the whole restaurant was packed again.. plenty of things to do... two hands.. you do the math.. was tired as hell but everything end at 4am again... thought i would be tired after 2days of torture work but after my shower i couldnt sleep again.. too many things were on my mind... i so wished that everything would be different... that i would be at least happy but i wasnt... and so i didnt sleep again but had the company of BC.. aunty was kind enough to reward me with a pack of MALAYSIAN Marlboro lights.. ooouuu the taste of it... it made my day... rather than the shitty UK ones.. and as usual i was alone at home again just like every other day... cuz holidays they're all out.. normal days i'm out during the night working from 5pm to 1-3am.. sleeping from 5am to 12pm.. and they work from 7am-6pm...sleep at 11pm or12am till 630am... so i dont see them often or dont see them at all.. sigh... to think of it... they complain that they rarely see me... and so our relationship is fading.. my housemates are nice ppl... but i guess its my fault to have made it a bad relationship.. im regretting it but this is the life i chose..

26th..... agenda = bday party booking at the restaurant for 30 people.. another huge booking and lots of unexpected people turned up as well and its super packed compared to the other days... felt like i'm doin 3person's jobs but no choice... had to work... cant complain about it... lucky they all left early cuz started at 6.30pm... so there were less ppl by 12am.. thank God!.. but we had to clean up and it was alot of cleaning up to do from the 3 previous days.. but i managed to get home by 2am... i was relieved that it has all end... sorry this day i'm making it short cuz its gonna be the same old thing again and again.. it was sad and miserable to make it short.. and i was not happy... or wasnt in the spirit of things...

27th....... no bookings as we know of but man.. it was packed again... no customers by 12am though.. was told tthat they will be closed on the 28th cuz they're going to aunty's parent's place at MINEHEAD... by the beach... to visit her parents n have a day trip.. they planned to go at about 1am since there was no customers and they would close early.. but NNoooo!! someone had to call up asking to reserve a table for 6people at 1.30AM!! so we had to wait.. and you know what.. they stayed until 4am in the bloody morning.. drinking and talking like we had nothing else better to do than to wait for them... nuisance i tell you... but they're customers and they pay.. so no commentz.. just very inconsiderate of them.. well aunty invited me to join them to MINEHEAD since i had nothing to do and the restaurant isnt open anyways so i was dragged along with them.. didnt even have the chance to go back and at least take a shower before we go... so i went with the clothes i was wearing.. lucky i brought my winter jacket cuz its gonna be cold by the beach.. and it was!.. *phew.. and guess what.. i had to drive... well i didnt mind... i know Yau kor and aunty are really tired and sleepy to drive at 5am in the morning so i voluntered to drive since i wasnt sleepy and knew i wouldnt be able to sleep anyways...

28th.......... 5 of us went (yau kor, aunty, roger, james and me).. reached there at 630am... po-po and gong gong wasnt awake yet so we went to the beach for awhile... it was cold and windy and dark.. the sun wasnt up yet... took a walk by the beach and james brought out his two airgun rifles to shoot at empty boxes to kill time... difficult to shoot in the dark i tell ya... went back to the take-away restaurant and we were let in by aunty's parents who woke up at about 7am.. yes they live above the takeaway place just like any other take-aways or restaurants.. aunty's parents live with aunty's older bro and their workers above the rest. had CC for breakfast.. hehe and fried yam cakes.. *yummy* didnt have that in a while.. after tht they all went up to sleep while james and i were downstairs at the takeaway... they had 2 sofas for ppl ordering food to wait so we allowed to sleep there.. couldnt sleep at first so we took their pet dog(brandy) for a walk around the neighbourhood.. funny i wasnt tired or sleepy... still was feeling down and unhappy i guess... came back and we slept on the sofa cuz james was dead tired already.. hehe.. i tried to sleep but couldnt so i waste my time solving puzzles and crosswords from magz lying about.. and played darts in the kitchen(they have a dart board)... they finally woke up at 11am and decided to take a drive to the center/beachside... 8 of us cramped into the little SUV... yau kor,aunty,roger, po-po,gong gong, aunty's bro, james and i.. unfortunately james and i had to fit into the boot... hhaha it was farne.. had to hide cuz its illegal!! and its two of us in the boot.. haha.. but we managed.. had brunch at Mcd. then went fishing by the beach. it was freaking cold and damn windy... bad time to be going fishing i would say but aunty's bor caught two lil cods... dont think so we could eat it... while aunty and roger went to the arcades... then went back to the restaurant for dinner with aunty's family.. another thing unexpected happened.. i received an sms from Julia(lil sis) that my mum's bro, Dear Uncle Ronald has past away.. i felt really sad... and it made me worse after hving such a miserable christmas so i was drinking quite alot at dinner.. said our goodbyes at 8pm... yau kor drove back cuz i was abit tipsy from drinkin too much for dinner plus i didnt sleep at all and was stressful.. reached back at 930pm and i drove back home and completely crashed unto my bed, fast asleep at 10pm...

29th......... Woke up at 6am in the morning.. was having nightmares so couldnt sleep anymore and was thinking too much about other problems.. sigh... chat with me bro since he was online at that time.. then went to the town center at about 1pm cuz i needed to just go out... was feeling sad at home and when u've nothing to do or doing nothing u tend to think alot and it made me really really sad... so went for a walk alone... went to work at 530pm and had ngau lam po with fried rice for dinner.. not many customers today so it was relaxed... had some more BCs at the restaurant while playing poker with all of them... left there today at 3am cuz they were already tired and sleepy....

30th..................... but i didnt want to go home... i was feeling down and didnt want to go back... so i took a drive down to the shopping mall at Cribbs Causeway.. about 30minutes drive from my house.. yes i knw its 4am in the morning and nothing is open but i needed a lonely drive.. parked at one of the car parks and sat on the hood of the car looking at the stars.. it was peaceful.. decided that it was no point staying there so i drove back to Tesco near my place to get some drinks and walked to my secret place to be by myself... yes it was lonely but i AM alone so i have to live with it... finally i decided to come home and it was already 830am... didnt know i was sitting there by myself for that long and i've not slept yet..... almost 3hours watching the sun come out and the people having their morning walks... and now i'm here writing this long and hopefully not boring but sad story of my week.. its now 1151am so imagine how long it took me to write this.. i hope u guys all enjoy this and be grateful that that u didnt have to go through what i've gone through...

Before i forget... HAPPY NEW YEAR TOO!!

Lonely Christmas

Its been awhile since i spent Christmas and New year alone.. it used to be with family or friends but i guess since i'm overseas and far away from everyone i've to spend it alone. Well cant complain much cuz i'll be working anyways.. hope i get a big tip for working.. hehe *hoping* hope those customers will be generous enough that 'some' people have to sacrifice their holiday in order for them be served.. haihz.. Anyhow i dont mind not celebrating Christmas or New year.. its just another day of the year and as you've seen my previous post everyday is the same. I hope that the others out there who are with family or friends know that there are some people who isnt as lucky as them and so they have to appreciate the people they are with. i' not complaining but not everyone is lucky or have the chance. Just want everyone to know how important their loved ones are. You will only realise it when u're out there all alone and u'll think about how much u miss ur family and friends. Anyhow enough about me.. MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR! LOVE FROM CHRIS

Another day just like any other day.

MON-day, TUES-day, WEDNES-day, THURS-day.. etc etc.. u know what i mean.. all are different 'days' but its all the same day to me... wake up.. online... work...online...sleep... wake up... online... work... online...sleep...wake up... the same thing EVERY SINGLE DAY! Gosh and you talked about a planned schedule.. i wished i could just work from home and not bother going in and out.. i dont mind working at the restaurant.. wait..correction.. *i've no choice* cuz i've nothing else better to do.. *laugh out loud* and it kills time.. everytime Mr Jackson Yau(he is de BOSS or lau pan) tells me to go home at 11pm i will tell him that i'll stay on and help cuz i've nothing else better to at home anyways.. i've no regrets working there.. i've free food and drinks.. i'm treated like family and we joke alot.. not to mention i'm improving in my cantonese and Mr Jackson is improving in his english.. muahahaha! Stupid jamesy(my former flatmate and now business partner) for telling lau pan that in malaysia i'm classified as a 'banana'.. gggrrr so now i'm called banana...poor me... ohyeah.. my workplace is family owned and its a chinese restaurant.. i enjoy his seafood. especially the sing-chi and tai-chi.. and lobster(something like sang har mee but a lobster instead) i'll get some pictures later.. lemme see there are now 5 ppl working there.. or should i say 3 cuz my friend and i are just helpin out as waiters but we do get paid once and awhile for waitering.. we get our pay mostly from deliveries though.. but anyhow as i was saying.. there are 3... Mr Jackson, Auntie Fenny(hehe just found our her english name..jackson's lou por) and MONSTER!(chef).. they call him kwai sou.. so i call him that too.. lol.. and we make a big family.. they all stay above the restaurant.. along with jackson's youngest son(roger who is 12 i think).. jackson and aunty has 3 children, carmen who is already married and living with her husband and newly born baby boy(9months old) in Jackson's other home...as well as jackson's 2nd child(jackie...18 years old i think or younger.. dunno) but yeah... thats the introduction..

anyhow i go to work everyday and come home.. i eat dinner there with the family and thank God i've home cooked food and everyday is different.. i guess its no point if u're a chef and u cook the same food everyday so i get alot of good home cooked food.. *yummy* see my tummy is growling now.. keke.. anyways we eat dinner at 5 or 6 or whenever they feel like cooking and its work after that.. we get alot of the regular customers.. mostly all restaurant owners.. they come after 11pm.. thats when they close their restaurants or take-aways and they come to PRECIOUS CUISINE(choi san) to eat.. i like working there cuz i get supper as well.. depends if i'm staying late then i'll eat supper with them or they tar pau for me.. fried rice or fried noodles.. (picture shows what i get for supper) or someting else depends what i want... they will give me anything but i'll normally go for the easy prepare food..

anyhow its already 4pm and i've to get ready to go to work... i'll update again when i get back... *peace out* *hugz*

All the Same

I guess the world is lacking of Love.. i found out from my bro's blog a wonderful song and video clip which i found to be very touching and all of us definately need that little yet simple thing in life that we take for granted without realising it..



I personally thank the person who filmed this video givin him the heads up and continue doing his work which touches the human soul. I also dedicate this video to all those out there in need of help and love. There isnt anything in this world that can take a person down and there is surely Love in everyone, good or bad. I would also like to dedicate this to a very special person in my heart and forever will be. You are not alone and u know it. I will always be here for you. *love and hugs* It would be great this christmas if everyone goes out and just hug their loved ones and friends. Strangers would be the best cuz u'll feel great about it and its a totally different feeling because i've tried it and u will never know how much warmt you can feel from even a stranger and its lovely... To all those out there MERRY CHRISTMAS and a HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Making everything counts

People wonder what makes the world go round and they end up not finding one answer but many answers. To one person it might be wealth, power, to another it might be love, safety, peace. We all live different lives but we all have a common nature, that is to survive. But enough about that. Lets get down to what i'm doing.. haha i know its a bore but i must start with the boring part and end with the rest. this is when our good friend Chunho came down to Bristol with his brother for the holidays. This was at the Clifton Suspension Bridge (to be honest i come here alot.. dont ask me why.. muahahaha *sneaky grin*). As u all know i'm the guy on the right while Chunho(middle) and Cheongwai(left).. and i just noticed that we all have the initials "C" hahaha. Well oks we didnt do much. just brought them around small Bristol. Yes if u guys are wondering its kinda like my latest photo. well not so recent cuz i look really really bad now. but i'll take some photos soon and show u guys.. need to make use of the damn camera i brought over or its going to be extinct. haha yes i'm such a lazy person.. have been lost for a long time and didnt know how to enjoy life. hard to believe right? i might not be the same person as before but i'm getting there.. maybe UK is pretty dull and i've not many friends here but i managed but met some really really good friends which i wont exchange for anything in the world...

for the group pic u see above is my lovely whole former flatmates.. and yes we miss everyone so much cuz we made the ultimate team.. we always could rely on each other. but sad to say a year is not enough and we have went our separate ways. now the introduction from left to right.. Aadel, from Mauritius..the father of the clan.. firm, matured, and married with a new baby boy *CONGRATS AADEL!!* BVC grad. next is me.. the silent ninja of the flat. i never fail to suprise them with my quiet movements and crazy night habits.. next is James.. or Jamesy.. from China, IT masters..my dear friend who takes care of me.. and my business partner at the restaurant. yes im working in a chinese restaurant now but that i'll save for another time. then there is Mahmoud from Jordan, ME masters(the guy next to me looking like he is having a great time) yes the picture shows it all.. fun is in his blood and he never fails to give everyone a great time.. and he is game for anything that comes his way.. above is Mr. Nice guy Ahmad from Jordan as well and a ME masters student.. very hardworking and likes snooker.. someone who is nice to talk to and polite.. Another Jordanian i've to introduce is KISSWANI! from jordan doing medicine. *sorry not sure what field ur doing dude* the guy who likes to laugh.. laughs at almost everything.. takes hours in the bathroom shaving and casually plays songs from my laptop while he is shaving.. yes my room is right in front of the bathrooms and next to the kitchen.. so whenever anyone is outta their rooms i'm always there.. haha yes i've nothing to do since i'm a undergrad. Last but not least is Phil.. mother of the clan.. charming, has a sense of humour and damn friendly... never fails to be the center of attraction especially to girls... haha from Canada and never gets angry... always a smile on his face and nice to talk to.. doing masters in animation.. well thats the whole group... i'm considered the baby cuz i'm an undergrad while all are masters. sigh i feel small.. but yes i miss them..

anyways another story to tell.. nothing much happened to me today... worked at the restaurant and now i'm home.. i cant sleep and its 6am in the morning.. i guess i wont be sleeping today.. its normal.. never had the mood to sleep anyways... well i hope u guys are satisfied i wrote something.. will be writing more... so till then.. SEE YAZ