Morning of August 27th!!

its probably 6am right now in the cold summer/autumn/winter.... whichever you might want to call it... its 10 degrees by the way if you're wondering... its suppose to be the last week of winter but guess what? i dont ever remember summer ever came.. its been cold and chilly the whole summer and i guess winter is going to be dead freezing... anyhow i cant sleep nor have anything to do and its a bank/public holiday today and i guess nothing is planned or going to happen....

as far as everyone knows, yes i've been missing in action for a long time and no news from me... of course.. i needed some away time, quiet time, missing time, etc etc... to make it simple i wanted to disappear for awhile.. but i guess it took too long. needed some time to search for myself too and guess what? still the same me, same situation, same time, same life... nothing new and nothing has changed... i hope something changes now though or along the way but what more can i ask.. i guess God made me who i am and i cant change that but accept for who i am and what is given to me...

not having much sleep though... certainly not enough sleep... having insomnia i guess... which means habitual sleeplessness and i guess its true... among my friends i'm the one sleeping the latest and getting up the earlier.. which means no sleep at all.. hahahahahahah!! if concludes that i have plenty of time to think and it makes me miserable.. i should work in a place that allows me to work like almost 24/7... since i dont take much sleep and its certainly not benefiting not doing anything.. i should have used all this time "when" im awake to do something useful like earning some cash.. but no... its difficult to get a good paying job and English companies are bias... i tell u, BIAS!!! no matter how many jobs i apply for its the same old shit.. 'im sorry but we've filled up the position but we've recorded your details and if any positions are available in the future, you will be reconsidered"... with that small little letter or email its already enough said for the day and its back to the old drawing board...

by the way.. there is no need to know where i am right now because i intend to tell anyone my whereabouts.. i prefer to still be in my little world away from everything... its nice sometimes that no one cares or no one can find you.. i dont need anyone to come and save me or help me.. i want to try to at least live on my own two feet and be left alone.. at least i dont pull anyone along with me to hell or whatever... i dont want to give others problems nor i want to let others worry.. its better this way..

there is a dream in my mind.. that i would be someone that i want to be.. and i could be that someone if i put myself in that path.. just that little push and i would be right there.. but what is stopping me.. i've no idea.. i wish that i could be that someone right now.. when to be that person.. is up to me.. i wish that i could see that right now but i'm not ready yet.. there are still things i've left behind.. and i need to settle it first.. there are alot of things which i need to do.. i need to do them first.. it is just things that i cant leave behind just yet.. i would regret if i leave them..

I thank God though for making me this person that i am..